Music

So I have been trying to give up music that is not really, well appropriate.. If that makes sense. It has been a challenge, but I keep flipping threw chanels in hope to find fun music...

Tonight, and every night, I have found myself clicking on a certain album that I just bought. Mormon Tabernacle Choir. Crazy, but it really calms me down and lets me listen to what I am truly feeling and thinking.

One week left of school. I am grateful for the ability to look forward to something that I need. A good friend is coming to visit (ill post pics, since I rarely do) but, I am also looking forward to seeing other dear ones soon.

I know I will find peace and comfort soon. Patience Katie

Today.

Today I am grateful for snow!! I usually hate it, but it has put me in a weird mood... like I am actually excited!! Not that I have anyone to play in it with, but still... maybe soon! I hope, I am tired of this single game. ha

I am also grateful for cell phones and being able to call my Dad and Mom whenever the heck I feel like it, if I am walking up a steep hill, and out of breathe talking super fast, somehow they can still understand me.

I also had an interesting dream, i want it to happen though. Maybe that is why I am happy... cause I dreamt of something that I want... and I can only hope.

life.

im grateful for my family. all you need is love, and they are full of it (usally bs) but today, its love and I am grateful to be wrapped up in it especially when I need to hear it.

Define

What defines us?

Not what we wear, or what how much money we make.

What defines me?

The choices I am making now.

Family

Friends

My Testimony

I am redefining myself.

I have been weak the last few months, and honestly not myself.

What is going to change?

I am going to listen to more uplifting music

Go back to journal writing

Read my Scriptures with a content Heart to Learn

Pray with a humble and submissive heart/mind

It is time for a change

It is right on time

I am bound for the Promised Land. 

I cannot get there alone

We shall see who sticks by my side

No more planning, just living each day to the fullest

Loving deeply, honestly

Forgiving every second

Keeping a prayer in my heart

Every step will be a step for all the sacrifices he has done for me

I would not be who I am

Breathing freely without a weight of guilt

I will have a clear mind and achieve what I have set out to do

Blessing.

Yesterday was a horrible day. It started with an exam, which I know I did not do well on. Second it ended leaving accounting totally lost and confused not know really what to do. It felt as though the closer to the term ending the more excited that I was, but the more freaked out I was of failing all my classes. I had this overwhelming fear over take me. It was like I shut down and did not want to talk to anyone.

What did I do? I called my home teacher. Jon is an amazing man. I went a little earlier, and they were not even done with their choir practice. It was a lot of fun just watching them and their reactions to each others remarks. It also allowed me to prepare for a blessing. What they said, I do not want to say, but I do know that as long as I keep the commandments I will be blessed. I have never felt the Spirit so strong in my life till last night. I felt so humble and great gratitude for the many blessings which I have been able to recieve.

I look forward with an eye to Christ. I will serve him in any way possible that I can. I hope that I can forever remember the blessing that I recieved last night and never forget where I came from and where I am going to go. I love my family and their amazing examples to me.

As my Mom says, roll with the punches kid.

It is time that I go home, it has been too long, and I cannot wait.

hello. i'm trying to explain.

Go outside, kiss the rain. Well, snow is going to be coming soon! I thought that it would actually be here by now, but I guess Colorado still has some tricks up its sleeves!

Cool thing of the day.. I have a new nephew. Even though I say I don't really want kids.. I just say that because I feel my kids will get over shadowed by the millions of them that my family already has.. Mine will be special to me though, and that is actually all that really matters. :) I will love them with everything I got!

Other cool thing... drum roll.. Melanie is coming to visit me!! I am excited! Like, I am truly excited and find myself smirking in my dumb classes at school when I am not listening to the professors talk about their hair dressers, not listening to their wives, being a psychologist, and well doing so much accounting problems.. haha. Funny, she is an accountant.. I have noticed I seem to attract accountant friends.. haha and nurses.. Maybe that is a good thing!

So its no shave November.. Last year I did this, I was extremely grateful for razors and whoever invented them. Uhh, I have not shaved since I would say, mid September?? haha, while playing basketball, they never even noticed! I am blessed with some parts that don't grow hair and the other spots tha do, well it has a light shade of blonde and is thin! Woo, thanks pops for that gene.

I have also been brought to much gratefulness for my family. My burdens always seem so much better after talking with them (Susan is a new sister). She has come in a great time of need and has helped me feel that I do have a friend that truly loves me and cares about my well being. Thanks girl. (ps, she got me addicted to the word dammit. haha. Apparently during the accounting exam my professor heard me say dammit hahaha)

I have been working on forgiving others more easily and trying to just be nice. Oh man, it is a challenging task!! Let me tell ya. At work I have become a total grump in the mornings, and I am trying to be happy at the butt crack of dawn, but I have to admit... it gets to you! Not to mention only getting about 2-4 hours of sleep every night.. haha thats probably why I am falling asleep in Psychy ward. hahaha.

I love my family, I am grateful to have have lessons from them about being grateful, to be more loving and being able to watch how they love their children with such an unconditional love. I cannot wait to be an example to little ones. Hopefully I will be much improved! I know that others love me.

I just have this looming question, how can we always be so forgiving when somethings can be so hurtful? Why keep holding onto things that of course don't seem as important to the other person?

As you grow older the things that you hold high, change. I believe I have changed dramatically. I hold and cherish my family closer to my heart. In class, my professor asked why us we are doing the things that we do. Many students said it is because they want to prove everyone wrong that said they could never achieve what they are actually doing, while I agree... I admitted I am doing it because I want to, I want to feel self-fulfillment, and know that I have the ability to do what I want, without such negative feelings towards others. She nodded, so I think that was approval.

A choice that I will make in the near future will alter things greatly. What will I decide...

Oh what grad school should I apply to, one in warmer states??? That is a yes. haha. but where?

These are my Confessions.

This morning was an interesting morning at work... Lets just say that I became very alert with the sense of smells and this was the one morning I wish I could not smell a thing!!

I was walking down the hallway and was like, what the heck is that smell, it smells like crap!! Well... I get to the banquet kitchen and outside I see this huge huge puddle of black stuff, and the smell is rank!! To get to the kitchen upstairs, guess who had to walk through it.. as I am walking through it the cleaners are laughing.. and I am like what is this crap!? They said, exactly what you just called it, my mind froze and well, I realized, I am literally standing in crap??? Apparently something wasn't draining?? Eh who knows, but it was sick! I kinda felt bad for those who had to clean it up. Engineering was spraying loads and loads of this lemon stuff to get rid of the smell, but haha let me just say, it only made everyone get a worse headache!! So that was my laugh for today.

Haha, oh and Scott doesn't like when people whistle in the kitchen... cause someone else does, and we'll just say its annoying. haha, but he said that today and who do you think popped around the corner when he said that? hahahaha. I laughed which made Scott smile which was good.

Work is starting to get stressful, I don't know why, I shouldn't get stressed about it, but it seems they want me to do things that really shouldn't be my responsibility... if that makes sense. Anyhow, boats are sinking everywhere, but I am prepared with a water pump, you are not going to take me down buddy! HA. Oh question. How can you help me if you can't even help yourself?? My point exactly.

I have been thinking a lot while I am at work, and I am trying to be positive and just make jokes.. cause I honestly just like seeing people smile.. Well this week at work I have been walking around the kitchen yelling the I am bipolar and that I have an attitude problem, I myself found this hilarious and would laugh whenever I would say it. haha. I was so bothered by everyone coming into work with a bad attitude!! I wasn't going to let it get to me. They on the other hand (well one little mexi) haha I call him that, so no offense he got sooo mad. He has been in such a bad mood the last week that I want to ask him if I can pull the pineapple out form his butt!!! Jeez.

So, I cannot wait to go home, my feet are freezing and therefore I am going to bed.. two more days of work. Should I take monday off and work on my project and just sleep in and forget school, or actually go? Ehhhh I can't decide what to do! k, hasta la vista babe.

Grandpa

So, I am adopting Bob Lee as my grandpa. I really do care about him, he pretty much became a part of my family when I was 14 when my family moved to Arizona. The first time I met him was when he was helping my Dad put in our wood floors and he was really thirsty and drank a lot of our orange juice.

He makes me laugh. He told me the waffle house is gross and I should burn off my taste buds before eating there... hahaha! I love him! So I called him, and we talked about his vacation and the cruise that him and his wife went on. I miss this guy. Maybe this is why I want to be back in Az? So I told him that I would cook a meal for him, and why not? They got a dog, and called it a puggle? Pug mixed with a bugle. Interesting. He really made me laugh about a certain subject... He has always been supportive, and don't think I have ever told him that. I should. We both agreed that we are not quiet... and than laughed about that. :) Honestly, he doesn't care about a thing that you have done in your past and doesn't judge.

My eldest sister called the other night, and its weird because, I really needed to talk to someone and whaaaala, my phone bussed and it was her. It is amazing to me that my prayers can still be answered even though I am completely stubborn and a butthead. A lot of the times I don't think that I am deserving. I am working on that though, along with other things. I love my sister. She is an amazing example to me and has showed me many times that through trials and tribulations, there is always time to stop and tie your shoe before you trip. I love everyone in my family. Even though we are not n the same states, I know that we have a bond, and that we are close. (for the most part) haha.

I still do have a testimony, and i know that this is the True church of God. I have experienced so many things, and felt the Spirit so strong in times that I thought I could never feel it again. Heavenly Father loves us individually and wants us to try to do our best. Just don't let go.

The Smell of... Fall and well Forgiveness.

What does the word "fall" mean to you?

We find it so pretty when leaves change colors, and... fall.

Honestly, my favorite thing to do is to play in the leaves.

Kicking them around like when I was little

Walking out in the brisk mornings, it reminds me of my grandpas house.

That is one of my favorite smells

No not his dirty feet.

But the CHANGE of seasons.

I have been falling steadily.

At moments I try to open my eyes, but than I realize, I am awake

I want to cry at times

Sometimes I don't even know why

I want my Sundays back

I feel torn in too many directions

I feel empty,

but I don't really know how to describe to people what I feel

or who I can tell.

I have built so many walls around me

They are bound to fall

Tonight I had an experience.

I went to dinner.

had some good convo's,

even "played" an instrument from "Australia"

A boogiewagi? eh.

Your lips had to be relaxed, and well I was tense

Reminded me of the Ricola add.

Tonight I learned.

When we do not forgive others, it does not affect others, just us.

When we can't forgive ourselves it is telling Jesus Christ that his sacrifice wasn't enough.

I felt bad.

I want to improve.

I need to forgive, I need to keep going on with my life.

Stupid Squirrels ate my amazing pumpkin.

Chef laughed hard at that story.

Also we had a "rat" or "Squirrel" in our apartment this week.

Gross says a funny friend.

Went to the doctor this week.

The pain medicine was amazing, though it made me really sleepy/goofy

I am nervous to get off birth control

I am praying that I can and will be able to bear the pain

Doc says I have ovarian cysts.

Best way to describe it is like a major cramp you get from running, but than x100 and than you cant stand up, and you vomit and what not. Someone pinching your side every second.

Mostly concentrated on my right side.

They pop and I get pain

WOO, fun stuff!

Hey I got 3 days off of work.

I laid around, thinking about life

I honestly thought about my family and ways to be closer to them

I feel so horrible.

So incomplete

I have not cussed in 4 days by the way!

I have decided I need to stop.

It is just so bad in the work place.

Everything will work out.

I know it will. I have faith that it will.

My parents and my family are my threshold.

They are such an amazing support system

I can tell them anything, even if it is awkward!

They don't judge me.

They truly love me

They won't leave me

They truly talk to me, about anything.

Honestly they are all holding my hand right now.

Right when I need them the most.

I have drifted so far

I should be able to recognize who I am.

What have I become?

It is time to come back.

To be Katie Mae, the real one.

Just keep smiling. We can do it!

Psychology

So, I have to admit.. I find the study of psychology to be rather... difficult of boring.. haha. Its simple but yet, its just like accounting; another language! Today I was a few mins late to class, so I decided to be polite and sit in the far back and just well study for my midterm in the next class... Well the first hour of class was extremely hard for me to stay awake! The chairs in these classrooms are just so dang comfy!! You can lean back just perfectly, and trust me when you are running on LOTS of stress, little sleep and working full time with midterm weeks and just plain ole full time school, it feels like a brick wall every once in awhile... So I am sitting there, and usually when I am falling asleep (in bed) I twitch, haha, usually my legs. haha. Weird that I am disposing such info! Ok, so I am leaning back in my chair, I have my arm on the head rest and I feel my head go downnnn! I shake my head, and than I close my eyes and rest my head on my arm... and I felt my legs twitch!! I am asleep. haha. The next thing I hear is the professor saying ok lets take a break! haha. I shot up and walked down to her and was like, sorry for being late to class. haha, I wonder if she saw me asleep?? My cheek was totally asleep and it felt weird to talk. Well after break she was like ok, we are going to talk about memory... So thought caught my attention and I was finally interesting in the class... Well apparently its a problem to be able to recall dates about things... Like I have no problem with recalling information and its always an overload and I can't control it. haha. Than I was like, is something wrong with me, of course not... I am sooo not being diagnosed with whatever she was talking about. I am just cool and remember things that a lot of people don't care about... I still don't know why though. Like my first kiss was on January 29th at 1:32 am. haha. It sure was foggy outside and I was totally laughing up the stairs to my dorm room to where my roomie was still awake wanting to know! Oh the silly things of life.

Anyhow, I went to take my midterm and looked at the test and I saw all the words just come to my mind... it took me only 24 mins to take a 105 question midterm. hmmm... haha wonder how I did. There was a few things that I probably should have studied better and I know on some of the matching I totally had to guess, but the ones with fill in the blank, and short answer. I find those ones to be extremely easy.

So diagnose me... Dr. Psychology said it could be OCD. But, admit it, everyone has ocd about some things!

Today I thought I was being the coolest person (cause lets admit it, I am not very nice most of the time) and I am BLUNT, so get over it. Anyhow, I see this girl in a wheelchair struggling with the door so I am like oh hey, let me get that for you... she than goes into the building.. and well, SURPRISE!! She gets up and starts walking like a miracle just happened? I was like, you could have opened the door for me! haha.

PS. Downtown Denver is scary at 4 in the morning... lately more and more people are out, but... the other morning this guy was totally blocking the sidewalk. So me being the cool person with my hoodie on, hopped off the sidewalk and walked on the street... He still said HI really loud and I got a panic. haha. Man, I think I have messed up my shoulder.. owy..

I feel a strong need to go home. A longing desire.

Laughter

Funny story... well many stories that keep me going through some of my most boring classes... EVER. I miss labs, now that is a fact.

Story 1. I was sitting in accounting class today (i cannot help but observe everyone and what they are doing) and I was just starring at the professor and she looked at me and was like "RIGHT KATIE!" and she looked at me really weird, than I sat up and was like "oh yep, whatever you say." Needless to say, I noticed to see her zipper was down... I started to laugh really hard, but than felt bad... I started to sing xyz pdq! haha My friend Erica heard me and started to laugh and asked why I would notice that. Eh honestly... if people only knew what I noticed... example A) Your breathe today smelt so bad during our groups I almost threw up... and trust me that would have smelt better! Our professor was also late back to class 20 mins... Predictions : She is stuck in the elevator? She is stuck in the bathroom! (maybe she passed out) She has fallen down the stairs? Or last, did she have a heart attack in her office? Needless to say, we all stayed in class and she returned 20 minutes later...

Story 2. I was sitting in one of the computer labs and just typing away in a relaxed position... Well this girl like speed walks into the computer lab, sits a few chairs away from me... waits for the computer to load than does this weird twist and shake move in her chair... Maybe she was practicing for something? I thought that she was just plain weird, though who am I to judge?

Story 3. I was at work standing by the oven making my strawberry jam sauce stuff and a guy that I work with is such a goof. I always laugh at him (even though sometimes he doesn't use his English properly) haha. Well he was looking at me more weird than usual and I was like, whats up? haha. He mumbled something and I was like, dude I can't hear you so I walked over to him and he was like "Katie, you are just so sexy, you are too sexy for a 20 year old and I just like you" hahaha. I laughed and said your so silly... I don't know what I was supposed to do! He is like 45??? TOO OLD! He did make my day though. ;)

Story 4. You have all seen Austin Powers, right?? Please tell me you remember the part where he is in the hallway in a golf cart trying to turn around? Well, I had a moment like that the other day that made me late to my Psychology class (not that I even care for that class) anyhow, I have decided to just find a new parking place.. haha, I had to keep putting my car in drive than in reverse!! I was getting so frustrated and was like... I am sooo stuck!!! Arg. I did laugh as Austin Powers came to my head and I thought of Fat Bastard and when he lost all that weight.. haha.

Hopefully those stories made sense and brought some humor to your day... Trying to relax is hard lately. So much stress I feel has just been dumped on me, but I know that as we are faithful and do what is right we will be blessed. Remember no burden is too big for us, though at the time is seems it is.

ps. 1 month till I am off birth control. We shall see how that works... cross your fingers. I have debated on going and getting sonograms before insurance is up. I am really getting scared for the pain to come back. I don't want it to.

I want you to understand my feelings, and I wish I could express them how I used to. The walls seem to be getting higher the farther you push me away. Thats just the way it is.

I may have a surprise for my family :) Even though some of them are butts, (and I do have favorites) I still love them, they are my true best friends, and I know they won't leave me, and will do anything to help me.

Long Times...

I know, I know. It has been a long time since I have written on here. To be honest, I haven't really written anything, or done anything besides work my life away, away into this slump that I seem to be feeling right now. Anyhow!

I have been narrowing down what  I should do with my Bachelors degree. I am going to have an extension of accounting (crazy, but I am avoiding a math class that I don't want, also by taking sociology and history haha). I am concentrating in Resort Management with Food and Beverage. I think that they both fit perfect together! My advisor didn't say much other than to talk to the other advisor who knows more about concentrations. SO after class on Monday I will be declaring what I just wrote, and I should be graduating in Feb of 2012. I have thought about pushing it to Nov of 2011, but I just, get uneasy feelings, but that I get this crazy insane ideas that I can do it. If only I wasn't working. I guess I can wait 11 weeks longer, right? Just hope I don't fall off the ban wagon! haha.

I am no longer working in the Banquet kitchen at the Sheraton. They had to move me because of my class schedule. I should feel humble that they are willing to work with me and put me on the schedule. I do. Sometimes it is just hard to get up at 3:50 in the morning, after waking up so much during the night. I have to keep going, I need to feel the satisfaction after all this hard work.

Today I have to admit, doing over medium, easy and many other eggs, I did very well. I did not break any yokes! Woo! I never want to lose that skill ever again. It is frustrating to try to learn something again, that you knew you could do just a simple year ago! So, my goal is to never let go of anything, or anymore of my talents that I have been blessed with! I was talking with my Exec. Chef today about the breakfast menu and how it really needed some help. We should had some dishes that guests would be "wowed" by. Even if they don't order them, at least we tried. That is something that they will remember! I recently went to Snooze (A breakfast place in Co.) Anyhow, the food there was just amazing! Even though the wait was about an hour to just get in, the food totally made up for it! (maybe they make us wait, so we get so starving that anything would taste good?) NO!!! I will assure you that the pancakes were like nothing I have ever eaten before. It was like heaven touched my lips, warmed my mouth, and slid nice and smooth down my throat. No pun intended! ha. Anyhow who has not gone to this place and is in the Denver area, you need to go! You will instantly fall in love. I am talking about the caramel bacon sauce that is just delightful. I am wanting to go right now. Too bad that they are closed.

To my point. I have been totally on this Nutella craze. Not even kidding. ha. I absolutely find it delightful on toast. Not to mention I think it tickles my chocolate love. haha. I told my Chef that we need to have like crepes on our menu. Ladies and gentlemen, I am not talking your normal average crepes. I am talking, lets add some triple sec to the batter! Add orange peel! Have a Nutella filling, like a Nutella chocolate cherry glaze? Eh? SO. He told me to toss him my ideas (though I am worried of him claiming that he came up with them) and that we could possibly incorporate them into the menu! SWEEEEET! I also had the thought of very vanilla bean pancakes. We need a new batter. Ours just isn't nice and fluffy and they are bland. I noticed when I had my pancakes at Snooze, they had flavor and their syrup (bacon caramel) just blew them out of the ballpark and right into my dreams.

Point of this post. As my Chef said and I will quote him directly (just to use his words... haha) "People didn't know some shit tasted bad if they didn't experiment, Katie I want you to learn and have fun with this". I love him, like as my boss. He has had some rough months.. which I don't know if I should post.. but he has taught me sooo much. He also said "mmmm Sprinkles" haha. I also told him we needed to add compotes to the buffet. It needs life, like we all do, this one just needs something... AIR. I will bring it to life, as I hope it returns the feeling to my life.

P.s. The food service industry is at 9% for worldwide employment. That is 2nd. The Govt. is #1.

Dear Blank,

I am sticking it to you by that last sentence. I will conquer, 50% + women own restaurants and are in the leading knowledge over men. (aka higher positions). I will succeed in this industry, I will be sending you suckers to suck on. :) Love ya though.

our hearts.

i will not always know, but for one thing your family does love you and will do anything just to see you happy. do your part.

it has been pretty crazy with moving some of my stuff up here to my apartment in co. pictures will have to come later as my room is still a bit crazy, and not really organized! my heart has been deeply softened from the love that i felt from my family on my vacation. i have been really angry for a long time, and i think that i can let go of a lot of it. its time.

being back at work these last few days has been great! there is one thing about our hearts, and that is that it knows what we absolutely love to do. so no matter how much you think you hate your job, you dont. you really love it! last night we did a plate up for a 1,000 people. it was actually for the ballet. (i made the joke that if the guys were going to be in their tight clothing i had to get a peak, haha i even laughed, plus my chefs all admitted that they missed me and my silly jokes!) glad someone misses me here in co. as my mom says its sad that i don't really feel apart of the church here and that i have to resort to not having lds friends with good morals. maybe i am learning something.

today at work i felt absolutely sick to my stomach... at the most dumb time of course! I woke up and felt fine, just a bit shaky and cold... but it is really cold outside. so we are setting up our waffle station and i look at brad and i am like i hope they have a restroom down here (we went even further down than the basement... majestic is such a dumb room to get to. anyhow so i was getting all these hot flashes and i was sweating like a monkey! like i never sweat like this in front of guests. i felt absolutely horrible but i told brad i would be right back and ended up not coming back for a half hour cause i was sitting down trying to regain everything that was in my head. luckily i found out that a stomach bug is going around, lucky me, i caught it! a girl got me some cranberry juice and i sipped on it. i think that is what actually got me through the day! thank the heavens.

my father gave me a fathers blessing that i would love my profession that i have chosen.. within a few minutes of being back at work i realized how much i really liked the pressure and stress that they put on me. so many blessings i have been blessed with. my head chef said they would help me out and give me some over time since i missed out on so much work, right when he said it i had to stop and say a prayer in my heart, i felt so grateful and loved.

the other day we were talking about ice creams and different brittles that we have tried, for example in class we made bacon brittle, eh it was interesting. but a guy at work was telling me about how his class made escargo ice cream! talk about sick. i wouldn't even want to try it. if you want to you don't have to put snails in ice cream but if you buy them canned, look at one carefully and tell me what you think it looks like. to me, it looks like a butt. yep.

tomorrow i start the weight loss thing. and my friend just informed me that it gives you the runs for two weeks... thanks. that is something they skipped out on. they should mention that when they sell it to you. ugh. oh well lets just hope nothing comes out at work! haha, uh chef, i need new pants... hahaha. should i carry extra undies with me? hahaha. ok, i am done.

headin on up.

My Chef and also my supervisor said that they wouldn't be surprised if I was a big chef in two years the way I am going... they said I have their complete support. That really meant a lot coming from them. I want to keep learning and working my butt off. I know that it is all worth it, and I am being blessed in ways that I am finally recognizing. Maybe my goal can be reached. Lets see what awaits. Patience.

Lastly. I love strawberry popcorn. Taking it to my family tomorrow for my flight! Woo! The plan is to transfer back to AZ after school is out. 2 more years... It will fly and I am going to begin to enjoy the moments here.

Here is my site for the nutritional drink and weight loss. kathrynpankretz.myzrii.com.

eat. i like.

I have never liked sweet potatoes and I always kept trying them year after year, yet the dislike was always there... hmmm like my feelings towards some people. haha, or at least how they live! The other day I did a banquet and well, what was on the menu? Sweet potatoes. I hoped that we weren't mashing them, the texture is what gets to me. I can barely eat yogurt in the mornings without gagging... Even when bananas get too ripe. Sick. Anyhow, I was told to cube them and to rub oil on them and than roast them off in the oven... This sounded so much better to me! I was ready to give them another taste! Chef than told me to melt some butter... I was like can I brown the butter? (it actually gives a much better taste when it is browned, just leave it in the pan, but you have to watch it or you could end up with burnt butter, which is gross haha) anyhow I than was told to add some syrup to my butter (you can make your own simple syrup, 1 to 1 ratio of water and sugar, or you can use your house hold maple syrup) It smelt soooo much like home where I was standing in the kitchen. I really wanted to try the potatoes! They take about 40 mins to roast depending on how large you cut them. I tossed the potatoes in with the syrup and I put one in my mouth = delicious! I now like sweet potatoes. :) Also our oven at work is way different than you home owners... it costs $60,000 dollars, so don't break it!

I have also found it very interesting to play with the cuts on my fingers that I have recently got... maybe this is why they are not closing... haha. They are both on my knuckles and went pretty deep. Anyhow, I like to push my skin closed and than i like to pull it apart to see my red flesh inside! It is almost like playing with a fishes gills! This must mean I am fresh ;). I like white fish by the way... like Halibut. I also like the flavor and smell that vanilla gives off, its like if I smell it, I walk that way. Vanilla poached halibut. Yum. The skin just becomes so silky and smooth. To make it, you pretty much just need to have a warm liquid (which will contain the vanilla). Poaching is easy, so don't be intimidated if you want to try this, don't be afraid! You will need a whole lot of butter... Melt the butter down to clarifying stage... the milk impuritites will come to the top (need removal) than the milk solids will go to the bottom. k? The good stuff will be clear, DO NOT STIR. Add the vanilla and wait for the butter to warm up. Use a flat spatula to hold the fish and place it in the butter to cook... now you know why its so smooth. BUTTER. :) Anyhow just hold it until your fish is cooked, it does not take that long. In the end, it is so amazingly good. Also you can do a vanilla brine with pork! That is really good too! Just get vanilla bean and seed it and rub it on the pork loin...

I really like the ancho chile as well, it goes amazing with chocolate... also chocolate has a more noticeable and deeper flavor at room tempature.. just fyi. Though, I think I like it cold just because it gives that crunch. I really like ancho rubbed pork loin, and also bison! You can serve it with a mole sauce, which I don't really like, and everytime I have to taste it, I just go "Yep, it sure tastes the same chef!" (yucky) haha. Though there are those whose pallet likes it. I think I like making it from scratch better though.

The other day when I was in charge of a banquet (like firing the items (which means cooking them off) and making sure we have the table clear for plate up) anyhow, I was walking around the kitchen and I looked up at the clock (we were plating at 11:30) and I was doing my thing, and something clicked in my head (thank the heavens) and I yelled oh no, i need to cook my risotto! FYI- it takes 35 mins for the size batch I did. The whole time I was like come on flames, get hotter!!! I was like, I am not going to make it on time, it takes forever to cook... well, 1 min over... I actually had it done! My Chef kept coming over to my shoulder and was like, "is it going to be ready?" I just kept saying YES CHEF. haha. I was super nervous.

Work has been really good. I am really enjoying myself. Maybe work is what is causing my such weird dreams... I dreamt that I got married to a genie, and we were in like the bahama's, than he said that he knew how died, than I looked over the edge and I saw myself laying there!!! Awww, I died... sad story.

Now a funny story. I was in the elevator and two girls and the concierge was there and I was in my gym shorts, cute vans, and lovely aviators... well as I was standing there the concierge was like you should wear that as your uniform, just put on your nametag... i did the awkward laugh, than ding... I was walking out and the girl that was in there said, "she has nice legs and a cute butt". haha than they all laughed. it was definately a chuckling moment. :)

So I got hit in the head last night... by a soccer ball... haha, but I got to hit baseballs!!! I really want to go to a batting cage!

How long can a heart last without someone?

Pancake Bath.

You know how people want to take baths in noodles right? Just to see how it feels? Well, for one, from sticking my hands in 100 lbs of noodles, let me just say... it feels like worms! fyi.

This week I have really been craving cheesecake.. too bad cream cheese is too expensive and you need A LOT to make just ONE cheese cake. So alas I went with ice cream. :) Great solution huh? Well we were talking about baking things at work, and my friend told me that you can just buy a "1 hour" cheese cake... would that taste the same?

This week I have made over 500 pancakes, and combined I have made thousands of pancakes! They call me the pancake queen at work, and good thing they didn't know that was my nickname is high school! Though, they have mentioned of calling me that, and have said that I should get my tattoo like that. Though, I am pretty sure I am not going to get a tattoo... Well, ever wonder what a pancake bath would feel like? Let me tell ya. Oh first of all, they need to sell "Robby's Pancake Mix" in the stores! So much better than anything out there. Anyhow, I was thinking that I could make the batch by hand... what was I thinking? Well it was my Monday, so shhhut it. :) I couldn't get the lumps out, and that is very important! So, my friend gave me the idea, just put it in the mixer! (duh Katie, come to mind) Lets say my right arm was very tired from the whisk. I decided to see if I could fit ALL of the mix in the 20 gallon bowl. IT sure fit! I turned the mixer onto the 1st speed... Than I was like well lets try 2nd speed... It was sloshing is bit (is that a word?) Well, my friend than said turn it to speed 3... I turned it, SWOOSH! I was covered in pancake batter with him laughing... what did it feel like? Well I left work smelling like vanilla rather than garlic and onions. I could actually sleep with my hands near my face... haha. I think it actually made my skin softer, and I hope it came out of my uniform... It dry's pretty quick too! Overall, it was a good laugh, and it kind happened the next day as well, even though I didn't fill the mixer very full... So I learned to not use speed 3 when making pancakes. :).

I have also signed up for selling a weight loss and nutritional drink... it really works. So if you are interested... Shoot me an email/text/ or call... You can visit the website at zrii.com or theallstarlife.com. Check it out!

Ps. I am going to buy an ice cream maker soon, so i am sure some interesting stories are going to come from that. 5 days till I go home!!! I am working 10 days straight, with no bed, and walking 15+ miles a day.. haha. fun? Lets say my body is beginning to feel it.

New Desire.

The other day when I was at work my Chef and I began talking and he was telling me about how when he was 22 him and his buddy had a huge wine cellar! Anyhow, he said that I should start working on my collection, haha. We then started talking about hobbies and what we like to do that relaxes us. He brought up baking and he got super excited and he showed me his pictures and told me how he entered a fair once and beat a lady that has never lost! Anyhow, so that started my mind jogging (other than thinking about deep frying a candy bar). I decided that I  making breads will be my new hobby. I will also learn other baking stuff as well, but I love love bread! I am going to be self-taught. I don't believe in spending 40,000 for a baking degree. Pointless! I have also decided that I will probably open up a store front later on in the future. I am pretty stoked about learning!

I've also had many other desires lately... I am going home in 9 days! That is one of the desires... I want whiter teeth. I have been sleeping on the floor for the last week and for the next 9 days that is what I will continue to be doing. I believe my back is finally starting to get bugged... at least my ciatic nerve is really angry with me!

The last few weeks in relief society a woman has farted and burped out loud. haha. She makes it obvious too! But of course we cannot laugh out loud... Sometimes I really don't pay attention like I should. I will admit it. Some people are just too boring. :)

Have you ever had a cherry log type thing? haha, doesn't that sound so pleasant??? Right? I don't really know what it is called, but my Mom makes it, and I am really craving it right now! Basically it is cherries and cream cheese mixed (I love all cheese, well not all) with powdered sugar.. and it has a sweet dough. I LOVE IT! Have you ever had a Korean Pancake? Pretty much you just use a sweet dough (again) and you make balls, than poke a hole and fill it with a mixture of white sugar and brown sugar (I was thinking of trying it with other stuff, like fruits, maybe make a berry compote) anyhow you than seal the hole of which you just poked (good thing I am not a doctor "nurse seal that hole over there please" patient- "you sealed my bum shut!" hahahaha) ok back to food. than you can use a flat spatula and put it in a pan (with oil or butter, make sure its hot) and than press down, than proceed to flip over, it gets nice and golden brown! Sounds good right about now.

I have also been wanting to buy an ice cream maker and try to make a jelly ice cream and peanut butter, or even maybe use nutella... Since they have to be non-alcoholic since I am not 21 yet... but they have non alcoholic beer! Of which me and the bestie are going to try. Be jealous. haha. Anyhow, I just want to try flavors out with ice cream and what not.