These are my Confessions.

This morning was an interesting morning at work... Lets just say that I became very alert with the sense of smells and this was the one morning I wish I could not smell a thing!!

I was walking down the hallway and was like, what the heck is that smell, it smells like crap!! Well... I get to the banquet kitchen and outside I see this huge huge puddle of black stuff, and the smell is rank!! To get to the kitchen upstairs, guess who had to walk through it.. as I am walking through it the cleaners are laughing.. and I am like what is this crap!? They said, exactly what you just called it, my mind froze and well, I realized, I am literally standing in crap??? Apparently something wasn't draining?? Eh who knows, but it was sick! I kinda felt bad for those who had to clean it up. Engineering was spraying loads and loads of this lemon stuff to get rid of the smell, but haha let me just say, it only made everyone get a worse headache!! So that was my laugh for today.

Haha, oh and Scott doesn't like when people whistle in the kitchen... cause someone else does, and we'll just say its annoying. haha, but he said that today and who do you think popped around the corner when he said that? hahahaha. I laughed which made Scott smile which was good.

Work is starting to get stressful, I don't know why, I shouldn't get stressed about it, but it seems they want me to do things that really shouldn't be my responsibility... if that makes sense. Anyhow, boats are sinking everywhere, but I am prepared with a water pump, you are not going to take me down buddy! HA. Oh question. How can you help me if you can't even help yourself?? My point exactly.

I have been thinking a lot while I am at work, and I am trying to be positive and just make jokes.. cause I honestly just like seeing people smile.. Well this week at work I have been walking around the kitchen yelling the I am bipolar and that I have an attitude problem, I myself found this hilarious and would laugh whenever I would say it. haha. I was so bothered by everyone coming into work with a bad attitude!! I wasn't going to let it get to me. They on the other hand (well one little mexi) haha I call him that, so no offense he got sooo mad. He has been in such a bad mood the last week that I want to ask him if I can pull the pineapple out form his butt!!! Jeez.

So, I cannot wait to go home, my feet are freezing and therefore I am going to bed.. two more days of work. Should I take monday off and work on my project and just sleep in and forget school, or actually go? Ehhhh I can't decide what to do! k, hasta la vista babe.

Grandpa

So, I am adopting Bob Lee as my grandpa. I really do care about him, he pretty much became a part of my family when I was 14 when my family moved to Arizona. The first time I met him was when he was helping my Dad put in our wood floors and he was really thirsty and drank a lot of our orange juice.

He makes me laugh. He told me the waffle house is gross and I should burn off my taste buds before eating there... hahaha! I love him! So I called him, and we talked about his vacation and the cruise that him and his wife went on. I miss this guy. Maybe this is why I want to be back in Az? So I told him that I would cook a meal for him, and why not? They got a dog, and called it a puggle? Pug mixed with a bugle. Interesting. He really made me laugh about a certain subject... He has always been supportive, and don't think I have ever told him that. I should. We both agreed that we are not quiet... and than laughed about that. :) Honestly, he doesn't care about a thing that you have done in your past and doesn't judge.

My eldest sister called the other night, and its weird because, I really needed to talk to someone and whaaaala, my phone bussed and it was her. It is amazing to me that my prayers can still be answered even though I am completely stubborn and a butthead. A lot of the times I don't think that I am deserving. I am working on that though, along with other things. I love my sister. She is an amazing example to me and has showed me many times that through trials and tribulations, there is always time to stop and tie your shoe before you trip. I love everyone in my family. Even though we are not n the same states, I know that we have a bond, and that we are close. (for the most part) haha.

I still do have a testimony, and i know that this is the True church of God. I have experienced so many things, and felt the Spirit so strong in times that I thought I could never feel it again. Heavenly Father loves us individually and wants us to try to do our best. Just don't let go.

The Smell of... Fall and well Forgiveness.

What does the word "fall" mean to you?

We find it so pretty when leaves change colors, and... fall.

Honestly, my favorite thing to do is to play in the leaves.

Kicking them around like when I was little

Walking out in the brisk mornings, it reminds me of my grandpas house.

That is one of my favorite smells

No not his dirty feet.

But the CHANGE of seasons.

I have been falling steadily.

At moments I try to open my eyes, but than I realize, I am awake

I want to cry at times

Sometimes I don't even know why

I want my Sundays back

I feel torn in too many directions

I feel empty,

but I don't really know how to describe to people what I feel

or who I can tell.

I have built so many walls around me

They are bound to fall

Tonight I had an experience.

I went to dinner.

had some good convo's,

even "played" an instrument from "Australia"

A boogiewagi? eh.

Your lips had to be relaxed, and well I was tense

Reminded me of the Ricola add.

Tonight I learned.

When we do not forgive others, it does not affect others, just us.

When we can't forgive ourselves it is telling Jesus Christ that his sacrifice wasn't enough.

I felt bad.

I want to improve.

I need to forgive, I need to keep going on with my life.

Stupid Squirrels ate my amazing pumpkin.

Chef laughed hard at that story.

Also we had a "rat" or "Squirrel" in our apartment this week.

Gross says a funny friend.

Went to the doctor this week.

The pain medicine was amazing, though it made me really sleepy/goofy

I am nervous to get off birth control

I am praying that I can and will be able to bear the pain

Doc says I have ovarian cysts.

Best way to describe it is like a major cramp you get from running, but than x100 and than you cant stand up, and you vomit and what not. Someone pinching your side every second.

Mostly concentrated on my right side.

They pop and I get pain

WOO, fun stuff!

Hey I got 3 days off of work.

I laid around, thinking about life

I honestly thought about my family and ways to be closer to them

I feel so horrible.

So incomplete

I have not cussed in 4 days by the way!

I have decided I need to stop.

It is just so bad in the work place.

Everything will work out.

I know it will. I have faith that it will.

My parents and my family are my threshold.

They are such an amazing support system

I can tell them anything, even if it is awkward!

They don't judge me.

They truly love me

They won't leave me

They truly talk to me, about anything.

Honestly they are all holding my hand right now.

Right when I need them the most.

I have drifted so far

I should be able to recognize who I am.

What have I become?

It is time to come back.

To be Katie Mae, the real one.

Just keep smiling. We can do it!