our hearts.

i will not always know, but for one thing your family does love you and will do anything just to see you happy. do your part.

it has been pretty crazy with moving some of my stuff up here to my apartment in co. pictures will have to come later as my room is still a bit crazy, and not really organized! my heart has been deeply softened from the love that i felt from my family on my vacation. i have been really angry for a long time, and i think that i can let go of a lot of it. its time.

being back at work these last few days has been great! there is one thing about our hearts, and that is that it knows what we absolutely love to do. so no matter how much you think you hate your job, you dont. you really love it! last night we did a plate up for a 1,000 people. it was actually for the ballet. (i made the joke that if the guys were going to be in their tight clothing i had to get a peak, haha i even laughed, plus my chefs all admitted that they missed me and my silly jokes!) glad someone misses me here in co. as my mom says its sad that i don't really feel apart of the church here and that i have to resort to not having lds friends with good morals. maybe i am learning something.

today at work i felt absolutely sick to my stomach... at the most dumb time of course! I woke up and felt fine, just a bit shaky and cold... but it is really cold outside. so we are setting up our waffle station and i look at brad and i am like i hope they have a restroom down here (we went even further down than the basement... majestic is such a dumb room to get to. anyhow so i was getting all these hot flashes and i was sweating like a monkey! like i never sweat like this in front of guests. i felt absolutely horrible but i told brad i would be right back and ended up not coming back for a half hour cause i was sitting down trying to regain everything that was in my head. luckily i found out that a stomach bug is going around, lucky me, i caught it! a girl got me some cranberry juice and i sipped on it. i think that is what actually got me through the day! thank the heavens.

my father gave me a fathers blessing that i would love my profession that i have chosen.. within a few minutes of being back at work i realized how much i really liked the pressure and stress that they put on me. so many blessings i have been blessed with. my head chef said they would help me out and give me some over time since i missed out on so much work, right when he said it i had to stop and say a prayer in my heart, i felt so grateful and loved.

the other day we were talking about ice creams and different brittles that we have tried, for example in class we made bacon brittle, eh it was interesting. but a guy at work was telling me about how his class made escargo ice cream! talk about sick. i wouldn't even want to try it. if you want to you don't have to put snails in ice cream but if you buy them canned, look at one carefully and tell me what you think it looks like. to me, it looks like a butt. yep.

tomorrow i start the weight loss thing. and my friend just informed me that it gives you the runs for two weeks... thanks. that is something they skipped out on. they should mention that when they sell it to you. ugh. oh well lets just hope nothing comes out at work! haha, uh chef, i need new pants... hahaha. should i carry extra undies with me? hahaha. ok, i am done.

headin on up.

My Chef and also my supervisor said that they wouldn't be surprised if I was a big chef in two years the way I am going... they said I have their complete support. That really meant a lot coming from them. I want to keep learning and working my butt off. I know that it is all worth it, and I am being blessed in ways that I am finally recognizing. Maybe my goal can be reached. Lets see what awaits. Patience.

Lastly. I love strawberry popcorn. Taking it to my family tomorrow for my flight! Woo! The plan is to transfer back to AZ after school is out. 2 more years... It will fly and I am going to begin to enjoy the moments here.

Here is my site for the nutritional drink and weight loss. kathrynpankretz.myzrii.com.

eat. i like.

I have never liked sweet potatoes and I always kept trying them year after year, yet the dislike was always there... hmmm like my feelings towards some people. haha, or at least how they live! The other day I did a banquet and well, what was on the menu? Sweet potatoes. I hoped that we weren't mashing them, the texture is what gets to me. I can barely eat yogurt in the mornings without gagging... Even when bananas get too ripe. Sick. Anyhow, I was told to cube them and to rub oil on them and than roast them off in the oven... This sounded so much better to me! I was ready to give them another taste! Chef than told me to melt some butter... I was like can I brown the butter? (it actually gives a much better taste when it is browned, just leave it in the pan, but you have to watch it or you could end up with burnt butter, which is gross haha) anyhow I than was told to add some syrup to my butter (you can make your own simple syrup, 1 to 1 ratio of water and sugar, or you can use your house hold maple syrup) It smelt soooo much like home where I was standing in the kitchen. I really wanted to try the potatoes! They take about 40 mins to roast depending on how large you cut them. I tossed the potatoes in with the syrup and I put one in my mouth = delicious! I now like sweet potatoes. :) Also our oven at work is way different than you home owners... it costs $60,000 dollars, so don't break it!

I have also found it very interesting to play with the cuts on my fingers that I have recently got... maybe this is why they are not closing... haha. They are both on my knuckles and went pretty deep. Anyhow, I like to push my skin closed and than i like to pull it apart to see my red flesh inside! It is almost like playing with a fishes gills! This must mean I am fresh ;). I like white fish by the way... like Halibut. I also like the flavor and smell that vanilla gives off, its like if I smell it, I walk that way. Vanilla poached halibut. Yum. The skin just becomes so silky and smooth. To make it, you pretty much just need to have a warm liquid (which will contain the vanilla). Poaching is easy, so don't be intimidated if you want to try this, don't be afraid! You will need a whole lot of butter... Melt the butter down to clarifying stage... the milk impuritites will come to the top (need removal) than the milk solids will go to the bottom. k? The good stuff will be clear, DO NOT STIR. Add the vanilla and wait for the butter to warm up. Use a flat spatula to hold the fish and place it in the butter to cook... now you know why its so smooth. BUTTER. :) Anyhow just hold it until your fish is cooked, it does not take that long. In the end, it is so amazingly good. Also you can do a vanilla brine with pork! That is really good too! Just get vanilla bean and seed it and rub it on the pork loin...

I really like the ancho chile as well, it goes amazing with chocolate... also chocolate has a more noticeable and deeper flavor at room tempature.. just fyi. Though, I think I like it cold just because it gives that crunch. I really like ancho rubbed pork loin, and also bison! You can serve it with a mole sauce, which I don't really like, and everytime I have to taste it, I just go "Yep, it sure tastes the same chef!" (yucky) haha. Though there are those whose pallet likes it. I think I like making it from scratch better though.

The other day when I was in charge of a banquet (like firing the items (which means cooking them off) and making sure we have the table clear for plate up) anyhow, I was walking around the kitchen and I looked up at the clock (we were plating at 11:30) and I was doing my thing, and something clicked in my head (thank the heavens) and I yelled oh no, i need to cook my risotto! FYI- it takes 35 mins for the size batch I did. The whole time I was like come on flames, get hotter!!! I was like, I am not going to make it on time, it takes forever to cook... well, 1 min over... I actually had it done! My Chef kept coming over to my shoulder and was like, "is it going to be ready?" I just kept saying YES CHEF. haha. I was super nervous.

Work has been really good. I am really enjoying myself. Maybe work is what is causing my such weird dreams... I dreamt that I got married to a genie, and we were in like the bahama's, than he said that he knew how died, than I looked over the edge and I saw myself laying there!!! Awww, I died... sad story.

Now a funny story. I was in the elevator and two girls and the concierge was there and I was in my gym shorts, cute vans, and lovely aviators... well as I was standing there the concierge was like you should wear that as your uniform, just put on your nametag... i did the awkward laugh, than ding... I was walking out and the girl that was in there said, "she has nice legs and a cute butt". haha than they all laughed. it was definately a chuckling moment. :)

So I got hit in the head last night... by a soccer ball... haha, but I got to hit baseballs!!! I really want to go to a batting cage!

How long can a heart last without someone?